Loving in the Midst of Crummy Attitudes

One night was particularly stressful for me. I was feeling overwhelmed, overtired, and hungry, as I was dealing with upcoming events for my job and trying to figure out how to make time to study for an upcoming college trigonometry test with such a packed schedule. Hoping for an encouraging word or possibly a dinner date with my husband, I called the house on my drive home from work that night. To my dismay, Dave answered the phone with about the grumpiest "hello" possible. That was the last thing I needed at that moment, and it hit me the wrong way. A few tense words were spoken, and he seemed annoyed that I had bothered to call him at all. "Never mind," I said rudely, and I hung up on the verge of tears.  
Little did he know that at that moment, I could have used an encouraging word from the person I love the most, but little did I know that he was also feeling tired and stressed from his day, too. I had woken him up with a phone call when he was napping on the couch, and the fact that I was probably the third phone call that he had received that evening frustrated him. I fumed about our negative exchange for a minute, but I also prayed about it on the remainder of my drive home. I thanked God for our crummy attitudes and thanked God that he was going to help us to work out the situation. After all I didn't want to stay angry with my husband. We discussed the matter when I got home, but I have to admit that I was still feeling a bit hurt.
That night, after we resolved our earlier differences, I mentioned a troubling sound in my brake system. Over the next two days, he spent a considerable amount of time working on my car and making arrangements for professional assistance, too, when the problem was greater than he had originally anticipated. Not once did he complain about it, and it really blessed me that he went to a great deal of trouble to fix the problem and make sure I would be safe. That day, he became my hero again, and it caused me to doubly desire to strive to be the wife that God has called me to be. I want to be the blessing my husband needs on a daily basis, but it's not always easy to do. Our own wants, needs, and selfish desires get in the way.
We all have our moments when we are not our best selves, but I do thank God for a man who loves me in spite of my imperfections.


"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails... " (I Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV)

Rejection and Opportunity

Because my teaching hours are limited as an adjunct at a community college, I recently decided the time was right to seek another part-time job. It is challenging to find something part-time that works with my sometimes-crazy teaching schedule, so I applied for a customer service/cashier position that might be somewhat flexible. I knew that I could do the work, and although it didn't pay as well as some things, I would at least be up and moving around and less sedentary.

I attended an open interview that seemed to go well. All that was left was to receive an email in the next few days telling me my next steps. Eight days dragged by, and then the email came that told me that I was rejected. I was definitely offended that a job that I was qualified for didn't hire me. It irritated me for about a day, but then I realized that perhaps I didn't get the job because that's not where God wanted me to work. I shouldn't be upset at the people who didn't hire me, but I should, instead, ask God where he wanted me to work. I did, and when the mail came, so did a weekly local news flyer.

Now back in October 2007, I had applied for a job that I had found in that very same flyer, and I had hit it off with the woman interviewing me. When the call came that I didn't get the job, the woman on the phone added sympathetically, "But Linda really liked you. I mean she REALLY LIKED you." It had come down to the fact that Linda wasn't sure that I could juggle my responsibilities at the college with this part-time educational job in a corporate setting. At the time, I told the woman on the phone, "Thank you for telling me that.I have a good feeling that someday I will be working with your company." She replied, "I believe so, too."

The following month, my husband Dave was diagnosed with cancer. It would have been a terrible time to start that other job; however, in March of 2008, I felt prompted to give Linda a call to keep my name fresh in her mind. When I called her, Linda said, "I can't believe you are calling me today. The woman I gave the job to just resigned today because she found a full-time job." I end up starting the job in April 2008 and stayed there for 6 years.

When the flyer came last week, I dared to think that maybe, just maybe, there might be a help wanted ad that would be relevant to me. I told myself that wasn't likely because I had never seen another one over the years that was anything I wanted, but I looked anyhow. Lo and behold, there was an ad for a public speaker willing to do life skills workshops at area high schools. I knew this was right up my alley (and paid better than the customer service position that I had previously applied for), and I asked my husband to let me use the computer for a few minutes to quickly send off a resume.

Within ten minutes, I had a reply. TEN MINUTES! I had waited eight days for a rejection, and someone else was excited enough about me to respond in ten minutes. That was huge. Within 24 hours, I had interviewed and lined up a fun, new job that I could do part-time on the days I was not teaching at the college. I thanked God for this new opportunity and was grateful that the other place rejected me.

August 26, 2017

Today I rode along with my husband for 136 miles to South Bend, Indiana. Except for the fact that it allowed me plenty of conversation time with my husband, I had no other valid reason to go. Dave had an appointment there with another agent from his office, and I was going to find something to do in the area while he was gone. 

We stopped first for a quick bite to eat, and the ladies' room had an "out of order" sign. This frustrated me, since I'd spent a couple of hours in the car, but I figured I'd find a restroom elsewhere. Little did I know that God would use an "out of order" bathroom to send me out in search of a bathroom and dessert. 

Dave left after dinner, and I drove around and spotted a Dunkin Donuts shop nearby. Perfect! I could grab a cup of coffee and a donut and read my book to entertain myself. The friendly girl at the counter threw in an extra donut, after learning that Boston Kreme is my favorite and that I'd chosen it over birthday cake earlier this year. I sat reading my book and sipping my coffee, but I later spoke with the friendly employee. I told her about The Thankful Principle, and I shared that it's a life-changing message. She was excited to talk to me; however, she later informed me that the lobby would be closing at 7:00 p.m.. No problem. I knew I could sit at the empty picnic table I had spotted out front and read while I waited for Dave. 

As I walked out of the donut shop, I observed an older gentleman enjoying a cup of coffee and reading his newspaper. I walked up to the table and asked him if he'd mind sharing the table with me, since the lobby was about to close. I learned Al was a retired factory worker, army veteran, father of three, and a widower. He was animated and jovial, and I entertained him with my stories, too. He told me about being raised in church and about being currently "in a backslidden state" (his words). As I spoke about my faith and shared testimonies with him, I could tell that he was inspired. Earlier, I had given him my business card that is a replica of my book cover. He originally put it in his newspaper wrapper with his newspaper, but near the end of our 70-minute visit, he was sticking it in his wallet. 

Funny how God used a broken bathroom to get me to the perfect destination.

Be on Guard

Earlier this year, I heard the riveting testimony of a young woman from my church. She shared the redemptive story of a mother who loved her in spite of her many years of drug addiction. It was a painful, agonizing path of destruction that wreaked havoc on an entire family for years. The Prodigal Son story had nothing on her. She had lived it to the fullest.

Her path to destruction started with one terrible idea, and this one temptation might even be viewed as a "normal" rite of passage to many.  After all, kids will be kids. Right?  However, this one awful decision would later bring much pain and misery to her life.  At the age of fifteen, this young girl was enjoying a cruise vacation with her family.  Wanting to appear more mature, she had the thought that it would be exciting to sneak into a club on board the ship and get drunk.  This foolish plan led to a young man taking advantage of her and raping her aboard the ship.

She did not tell anyone what had happened.  In the years that followed, the girl fell into self-loathing and was drawn into a downward spiral of abusive relationships, alcohol, recreational drugs, and finally heroin abuse to numb the pain.  It caused her to leave her family for long periods of time, and on occasion she even stole from them to support her drug habit.  In spite of everything, her mother continued to love and pray for her daughter, although she could not condone the lifestyle her rebellious daughter was living.  

At her darkest hour, the young woman had her life threatened, but something in her welled up.  She cried out to God for help.  She was able to get back to her family and go into rehab and finally receive the grace, love and forgiveness that only God can give.  Today she not only has a Christian marriage, but she is the joyful mother of children.  God has also led her to further her education to work in a field that helps others who have been involved in substance abuse. 

When I heard this story, I was proud of the courage that it took for this woman to share her testimony, but the thought kept coming to me:  What if she had not made that fateful decision on the cruise in the first place?  What if she had stayed away from the club and the alcohol that night?  How different would her life had been?  

I thank God that in her case, the enemy did not win.  Instead of being a sad statistic, the grace of God has turned her life into something beautiful.  Her story is a cautionary tale, but it is also a redemptive one, too.  Praise God!

 As I was thinking about her message, I ran across this passage from Psalms. 

"How can a young man keep his way pure?

By guarding it according to your word."  Psalm 119:9 (ESV)

Can God forgive our mistakes?  He definitely will, if we come in sincere repentance; however, it is far better for us to stick close to God's word, which helps us to guard our thoughts and our hearts.  I once challenged my students at a Christian school by posting a banner on the wall that said the following: "Are you willing to stand up for the sake of righteousness?"  Of course, I had a few obnoxious ones who would walk up to it and say, "No."  However, I hope I planted the seed in many to do what was right, even if it was difficult.

Do Not Fret

How often do we allow anger to get the best of us?  If you're like me, it does rear its ugly head from time to time.  After all, we are human.  However, it doesn't have to rule our lives, nor should we use the excuse of being human to remain unwilling to change and improve.

When I was engaged to marry my husband David, my father warned him, "Marcia has a short fuse, but she's quick to forgive."  I hated to admit that he was right, and at times when I am easily provoked or angered, that thought still crosses my mind. At least my dad gave me credit for my willingness to forgive easily.  I do not like to leave things unsettled between myself and others, and if I am unable to make peace with someone right away, it weighs heavily on my mind.

Once, when I had only been married for a little over two years, a visiting friend stayed with my family for three months.  One evening, I had gotten upset with my husband and blurted out something in anger.  I later realized that I was in the wrong and even apologized to him.  For some reason, the earlier heated exchange with my husband highly upset my friend, who refused to speak to me for a couple of days.  This really provoked me because the rule in our home was to not let the sun set on our anger, and I truly did want to make peace with her.

When my friend finally decided to speak to me, she remarked, "When I get married, my husband and I will do all of our arguing behind closed doors." Indignantly, I let her know that we were arguing behind closed doors, but she happened to be behind them. As a single person, she had grand ideas of how marriage was going to be for her, but the reality was that she would never know how the dynamics would work until she actually married.

When my son was in elementary school, he had trouble figuring out how to deal with his anger. Sometimes, he would destroy something in his room, like a toy or a school paper.  Once he ripped a pillowcase to shreds.  I worried about him and prayed he would not continue on that path into adulthood.  One night, as I was tucking him into bed, I asked if he would like for me to pray with him about his anger.  He agreed, and I rebuked the spirit of anger in him and prayed over him. Afterwards, he said, "Mom, it felt like something leaped out of my chest."  He was a changed boy.

More recently, I spoke to a single mom who confessed that she had gotten sucked into an argument with her ex-husband.  Normally, she tries to handle things peacefully from her end, and she immediately regretted that she had gotten down to his level and screamed back at him.  The same week, she had been reminded of the love passage in I Corinthians 13 several times.  It was in a sermon at a church, in an online daily devotional, and even on Christian radio.  God reminded her that love is patient and kind and not easily angered.  She realized that she needed to continue responding in love to a man who seemingly has a hard heart.

Psalm 37 is one of my favorite passages to share with someone who is going through a difficult situation or is feeling mistreated or misjudged by others.  It has brought comfort to me many times, but in the past year, the second half of verse eight really stood out to me for the first time:  "...do not fret--it leads only to evil." Forgiveness replaces fretting and can keep us in a right relationship with our Heavenly father, as well as others.

¹ Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
² for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away.

³ Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
  do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

⁸ Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹ For those who are evil will be destroyed,
    but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

 (Psalm 37:1-9, NIV)

Older and Wiser

I know that a true lady isn't supposed to reveal or age; however, last month I turned fifty, and it wasn't as tough as I thought it might be. After all, I cried when I turned thirty and forty.  For me, those milestone birthdays weren't particularly pleasant at the time, so based on those past experiences, I wasn't certain if I would actually be able to enjoy this milestone birthday.

At the time of my thirtieth birthday, I had several young children at home, and some of them were sick.  It was rainy and gloomy all day long--one of those terrible, no good, very bad days.  After a frustrating day as a stay-at-home mom, I was in tears by the time my husband had come home from work.  Somehow, he soothed me and made things better by whisking me off to a special dinner outing for just the two of us.

On my fortieth birthday, I was dealing with teenage drama in my home and had gone through a particularly trying afternoon.  (If any of you have read my book, you know the kind of drama I am talking about.)  My husband had thoughtfully brought home Chinese carryout and a grocery store cake that night.  Unfortunately, my birthday cake was more of a coffee cake with glaze and not something a bit more festive with icing.  How could someone who had been married to me for sixteen years not realize that such a major birthday merited frosting?  The cake was the last straw in a day that had not gone very well up to that point.  I suddenly burst into tears at the sight of it and ran upstairs to my room to be alone.  As I sat sobbing on the bathroom floor, feeling like an idiot, my concerned husband came upstairs to check on my well being.  I explained that it wasn't really about the cake, and I was sorry for seeming like such an ungrateful woman.  I shared with him about my earlier frustrations that had finally reached a boiling point.  I let him know that I was sorry for ruining dinner and that I really did appreciate him for trying to celebrate my birthday with the kids.  He understood and was kind enough to just let me vent.  A month later, he redeemed himself by bringing home a store-bought, properly iced cake with the words:  Happy 40 1/12 birthday.  Being the nerdy math teacher that I am, I told him that I had actually thought about the fact that I was 40 1/12 years old that morning, so it pleased me that he would think of such a thing.

Instead of allowing myself to become depressed about my birthday this year, turning fifty brought some reflections on the previous decades of my life that have been filled with many blessings.  In my first decade of young childhood, I accepted Christ and had a great military brat childhood, including moves to New Mexico, California and Germany.  I was blessed with godly parents and four siblings.

After turning ten, I moved to my mom's hometown of Parsons, Kansas, and got to know my maternal grandparents.  During my teens, I asked to be filled with the Holy Spirit, which brought about a deeper walk with God and more boldness in sharing my faith with others.  I also began to use my musical skills as a pianist in school music groups in junior high, high school, and college.  I later began composing and singing original Christian music. I went off to a Christian college and formed lifelong friendships.

My twenties brought college graduation, my first teaching job, and the start of my freelance writing career.  I also got married, became a stepmother to my oldest daughter, and gave birth to three more children during this decade.  My thirties included a six-year stint as a newspaper columnist, an opportunity to write advertising, the beginning of my college teaching career, two major family moves, and my oldest daughter's marriage.  My forties graced me with two lovely granddaughters, another daughter's wedding, my husband's survival from cancer, publishing my first book, and my first missions trip to South Africa.

I am so thankful that God has been present in each decade of my life, and I am overwhelmed by all the wonderful experiences and people he has placed in my path. On numerous occasions, God has been faithful in his provision, hope, love, healing, grace and peace.  When I am discouraged, I merely have to look back on the many answered prayers and remind myself that God is ever faithful to meet every need.

I would have to say that my fifties are off to a good start.  My first grandson was born in late April, just a few weeks after my birthday.   This year, I didn't cry on my milestone birthday.  I was surrounded by many loved ones who made an extra effort to make it a joyous event.  I share my birthday with my granddaughter Chloe, now 4, so we had a party together--complete with icing on the cupcakes.  The day after my birthday, I asked my husband, "Were you surprised that I didn't cry on my birthday?"  He remarked, "You didn't have anything to cry about." That is true, but that might not have stopped me in the past.  I'm glad my husband doesn't mind putting up with an emotional, sentimental wife.


5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.   I will sing the Lord’s praise,    for he has been good to me.  Psalm 13:5-6 (NIV)

God Uses Our Imperfections

I am a perfectionist when it comes to certain areas of my life.  Sometimes I demand too much and feel frustration when I fall short of the standards I have set for myself.  I am often my own worst critic, and it's that little voice in my head that sometimes brings on feelings of inadequacy.

Long ago, I knew that I was not cut out to have an immaculate house, especially when I was raising young children. I cringed at the lack of time spent in prayer and Bible reading, when I let life get in the way.  I would regularly compare myself to women who seemed more polished and fashionable and feel I came up short.   

It has taken years of growing in maturity to realize that in spite of my shortcomings, God can use these very imperfections and failings for good.  Perhaps my slightly messy house has made someone feel more comfortable in my home.  Perhaps when I haven't felt overly polished, someone was more at ease in my presence.  My numerous mistakes as a wife and mother have brought me great wisdom that I have often used to encourage others.

Just the other day, I was being overly critical when rereading my book The Thankful Principle. I should have phrased something differently here or included a certain detail there. I was mentally beating myself up over small things.  However, I realized that it doesn't have to be perfect to change lives. God often uses imperfect things to fulfill his purpose. 

I am grateful that God turns these negative situations and the imperfections in my life into something beautiful. Every day, I want to be more like him. 

2 Samuel 22:31
“As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him."